I FOLLOW BACK 100%
The girl who was my elementary school girl friend just got engaged and I’m sitting here single wearing a pug shirt and hamburger underwear
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Just remember, u r someone’s dream girl
I’m a boy
Tumblr has made us forget that some people are actually straight
I’m gay
jesus this post is one train wreck after another
I’m the kid with the knife
I’m that last girl
the kid making beef peckmino tortellini with a sage butter sauce: virgo, capricorn, libra
the kid with the knife: taurus, sagittarius, cancer, LEO
that last girl: scorpio, gemini, libra
the cameraman filming: aquarius, aires, pisces
girl are you a fox because i don’t know what the fuck you’re saying
this girl ripped her galaxy leggings today and i couldnt stop laughing because there was a rip in the fabric of space
- demon: i possessed you
- me: get the fuck out
- demon: damn...aight...rude ass bitch...i just need a place to stay my girl kicked me out and i aint got no money...
- me: shit man, you can stay but don't be spinning my head like an owl and shit
Anonymous asked:
I'm at work and I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry, can you say something funny?
i-do-it-for-the-lesbians answered:
ONE TIME AT SCHOOL LET ME REMIND YOU I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL SO THEY ALL WEAR SHOIRT ASS SKIRTS OKAY SO ONE TIME THIS GIRL LIKE TRIPPED AND HER SKIRT FLEW UP AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE TIFFANH GO FUCKING HELP HER UP AND I WAS LIKE PARALYZED STARING AT HER ASS AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN AND SHE LITERALLY HIT ME WITH A BIBLE AND I HAVE NO REGRETS NONE
This kills me every time
"TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN"
so i have a friend and he just had sex then he said that when he was about to release, he pulled out of the girl and he quite panicked and there was a potted plant beside the couch so he went there and came onto the plant
ever since then, we call him “fertilizer man”
“i’m so depressed,” posted the caucasian heterosexual cisgender teenage girl on her blog
“I’m so depressed” posted the person who is clinically depressed and who cannot help their depression despite their privilege because depression does not exclusively affect certain groups.
I remember in year 2 there was a girl who had literally never had a haircut so her hair was ridiculously long [imagine Rapunzel basically] and she always complained about it but her mum wouldn’t let her get it cut
So one day at recess she put an entire pack of chewed gum in her hair at the exact length she wanted it cut to.
She came in the next day with her hair cut how she wanted it and a smug grin on her face and I knew that that girl was going places.
f0r3ver-kisses